Inequality

A nice site which shows the economic and social situations of each country. Click here.

Short Term

Things that I have to do the next weeks:

- Encode, classify, and organize Ateneo alumni docs
- TMC, MATI 1013
- Landmark Intro
- Meet with Tita Girlie
- Wait for results
- Brainstorm for paper

Caregiver

I wonder if I could handle being a caregiver. When I accompanied Lola Garet to Naga last May, I felt good spending time with the elderly madres. I realized that I liked to do two things that are related to each other: spending time with young kids, or with the elderly who are already infirmed. Two ironic things, actually.

I've been spending time here at The Medical City for three days now. My Aunt is confined here, having complications with her cancer. I shall not put too much details as I am not really knowledgeable about these things. I just know that she is not alright, and it pains me to see her this way. Amazing how we could share these feelings with them, but yes, I know that this pain is so little, not even a percent of what she's going through right now.

Yesterday she had an operation in which a tube was inserted to her lung to drain fluid and air. When she was brought back to the room, I held back tears as I knew, as per the explanation of my doctor Dad that morning, that what I saw flowing through the tube was not too good. I looked at my parents and my cousins, and tried to feel what they were feeling. My Dad didn't show too much emotion as always, I wondered if that's how we coped.

I tried to understand my Dad. The patient is her sister. It must be really hard for him, especially that he's a doctor. Remember the saying, "Ignorance is bliss"? Though there are fears within me because of not understanding what's happening to my Aunt, it must be harder for him because he knows the implications of everything happening. I looked back at the previous days, and gathered my observations about him. I knew that he indeed was having a hard time, I recalled how he always changed the topic when Mom was talking about the condition of my Aunt. He'd either talk about his grandchildren (a happy topic), or explain my Aunt's condition very scientifically. He'd go talking in his doctor jargon, rationalizing what's happening. I never heard him talk about his fears or what he was feeling. Haha, I'm not a psychologist, and I haven't studied much about behavior, but from common sense, I know how he feels.

I don't know what to write now. Better publish.









Lord grant me strength...

Stupid Hotlines

Why would you set up a hotline if you could not even answer the phone? It said in the website that they're available 24 hours, yet when I called at around 1AM, it just rung and rung until the line was cut. Kamusta ka?

I'm using Liza's laptop and wireless internet to write this entry. I'm in TMC right now, keeping Tita Margie company. She was admitted yesterday. I pray that she gets well soonest.

I went to the Lower Ground floor a while ago. I dropped off a letter for Dr. de Guia. Nangangamusta sa isang kaibigan. Haha, Antartica days.

Anyhoo, I shall finish eating na. I'll go to Ateneo later, have meeting with Sir Land.








Salut.

Regrets.

So I've had a productive half week. I finished all my tasks due today, and have submitted all my deliverables. Good for me. But in the process, my entire system was again disturbed.

By the end part of transcribing the interview with Tita Girlie (Kythe, she was my Mom's schoolmate thus the "Tita"), I realized that I had a lot of regrets in my college years, especially my thesis. I feel bad about my thesis. I know that I could have done more about it. Yes, it may have earned a lot of recognition during that short span of time that we were running it, but I am not quite proud of how it came to be. A lot more of improvement could have been done. It was just done out of passion, not really an academic requirement. It amazes me sometimes that I was able to graduate with that work.

The transcription made me yearn for that fulfillment of coming up with something that could work, and that could contribute to the betterment of humanity. It made me want to redo all of the work for that thesis, and do it more seriously. That would mean that I have to research and do the hard work that I think skipped during senior year.

I want to make this work. I am suddenly reminded that once some years ago, I really wanted to advocate the need to integrate psychosocial intervention in disaster management. That trip to Albay back in 2006 was the start of it, and it was even more heightened when I volunteered in SILABAN. Those months of working, planning, and coming together to try and come up with mechanisms on how to improve the psychosocial intervention.. I learned a lot from that experience. And that was the reason why I did my thesis. That was my inspiration.

But with those also came my nightmares. Literally and figuratively. I got too scared with disaster management because it was all too real for me. I don't know, it's a whole different sector for me, I guess. I feel different when I talk about disaster management, unlike when I talk about my advocacy in education, or in faith formation. It ate up more of my courage. Yet, all the more that I loved it.

A few months back I decided to totally close that project that I started thru my thesis. But even when I let out my closure, I felt within me that I cannot totally let go of it. Inside me I silently hoped that someday I could revive this and "make it work", as my mentor told me before.

I don't know what this entry is leading me into. I just know right now that I want to fix this. I want to do something about this. I can't just sit down and let this pass. Yet, I also know within me that I am still too scared to face this again.

Okay, I think I am just going around in circles, so maybe now is the best time to stop. I'll just hold on to this first.







Ethical responsibility for the Other.

Si Mary Magdalene

This is my favorite set of readings. Haha, I remember how the Gospel once bothered me so much for months, I think even years!

-----

Second Letter to the Corinthians 5:14-17.

For the love of Christ impels us, once we have come to the conviction that one died for all; therefore, all have died. He indeed died for all, so that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. Consequently, from now on we regard no one according to the flesh; even if we once knew Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know him so no longer. So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.

Psalms 63:2.3-4.5-6.8-9.

O God, you are my God-- for you I long! For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts, Like a land parched, lifeless, and without water.
So I look to you in the sanctuary to see your power and glory.
For your love is better than life; my lips offer you worship!
I will bless you as long as I live; I will lift up my hands, calling on your name.
My soul shall savor the rich banquet of praise, with joyous lips my mouth shall honor you!
That you indeed are my help, and in the shadow of your wings I shout for joy.
My soul clings fast to you; your right hand upholds me.


Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint John 20:1-2.11-18.

On the first day of the week, Mary of Magdala came to the tomb early in the morning, while it was still dark, and saw the stone removed from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and told them, "They have taken the Lord from the tomb, and we don't know where they put him." But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been. And they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him." When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?" She thought it was the gardener and said to him, "Sir, if you carried him away, tell me where you laid him, and I will take him." Jesus said to her, "Mary!" She turned and said to him in Hebrew, "Rabbouni," which means Teacher. Jesus said to her, "S brothers and tell them, 'I am going to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" Mary of Magdala went and announced to the disciples, "I have seen the Lord," and what he told her.

Copyright � Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, USCCB



Commentary of the day :

Saint Romanos Melodios (?-c.560), composer of hymns
1st. Hymn on the Resurrection (SC 128, p.385f.)

Mary Magdalene, apostle to the apostles

According to the account given by Saint John the Theologian, the women bringing the spices sent Mary Magdalene ahead to the tomb. It was dark, but love gave her light. Thus she saw the large stone rolled away from the entrance to the tomb and returned saying: �Disciples, do you know what I saw? The stone is no longer covering the tomb. Could they have taken away my Lord? There are no guards in sight; they have fled. Could he have risen, he who brings resurrection to fallen humankind?�...

He who sees all, seeing Magdalene overcome with sobbing and weighed down by sorrow, was touched to the heart ... He who tests our innards and our heart, knowing that Mary would recognize his voice, called his little sheep - he, the true shepherd. �Mary�, he said, and immediately, she recognized him. �It really is my shepherd who is calling me so that from now on he may count me among the ninety-nine sheep. I know well who it is who is calling me. I said to him: It is my Lord; it is he who brings resurrection to fallen humankind�...

The Lord said to her: �Woman, may your mouth henceforth proclaim these marvels and explain them to the children of the Kingdom who are waiting for me, the Living One, to awaken. Go quickly, Mary, gather together my disciples...; awake them all as if from sleep so they may come to meet me with torches alight. Go, tell them: the Bridegroom has awakened, he is coming out of his tomb... Apostles, drive away your mortal sorrow, for the one who brings resurrection to fallen humankind is awake...�

�Suddenly my mourning is transformed into rejoicing, everything has become joy and gladness for me. I say without wavering: I have received the same glory as Moses. I have seen - yes, I have seen! - not on the mountain, but in the tomb; not veiled with a cloud, but in my body: I have seen the Lord of all things incorporeal and their hosts, the one who is, who was, and who is to come. It is he who told me: Make haste, Mary, go to those who love me and reveal that I have risen. Carry the good news to the descendants of Noah as the dove carried them the olive branch (Gen 8:11). Tell them death has been destroyed, and he who brings resurrection to fallen humankind has risen from the tomb.�

Deadlines

I emailed ate Rina the file last night, I hope she gets it. Now I have to FINISH the transcription of the two files. Tuluy-tuloy lang. I have to finish it. I have work on queue from Sir Land naman. Funny, he emailed in my Gmail account, which I rarely open, so ta-da! Surprise. I'm overflowing with work. :P Parang full time na ulit ah. :P

O siya, let's go work. I'll work using my laptop (I hope it doesn't hang!!), and turn off the internet so that I won't be distracted. Haha. Hello Plurk. I'll try to write a more decent entry one of these days, after transcribing.






Fight!

One Down

Two to go!

I finished the video! Yey. I like how it turned out. :) I didn't steal any pictures because I asked from my friends. I'm so proud about that.



O siya, I have to go na. :)

Sleepy

Okay, I just yawned a big one. :P

Yes, I know I have three deliverables by Wednesday, but I can't work! Gaah. The weather is not at all helping. I feel so sleepy. Hmm. Maybe I should eat ice cream so that I'll get hyper. :P

Good luck to me!

Irony

In times of loss, sometimes all we can do is be silent.

My cousin lost her child. Miscarriage. I think it's her first conception. Hay. I don't really know what to say about this, but I just want to write to release this.

I've always had questions about the chances of having kids in my head, and now it bugs me again. It started when my sister had (she still has) problems conceiving. She had had numerous procedures, yet still they are childless. I've been always praying that she be blessed with a child already. Though people always remind us that maybe they aren't just still ready. That maybe God is telling them that it's not yet the time because they're still adjusting in Canada, and that it'll be hard for them because they're in another country and it's not like in the Philippines where help is easy to get. Yung mga ganon. Ewan ko, actually. Those are just want I've been hearing. My sister isn't the only case. I've heard of couples who are in a similar situation.

For me, what's been bugging me is how come there are couples who cannot even support their children have a bunch of them? They have five, six, or even nine children, whom they couldn't even keep alive. I'm really irritated when parents cannot support their children, and then you see them again expecting another child. Sunud-sunod ang mga anak, minsan nga nagkaka-abot pa sa taon. How can this happen?

Some couples try to hard, and really desire to have a child, but they can not. Yet, there are couples (who can not even support them) who have them like they are just rabbits that multiply easily.





This is one of life's ironies that I cannot really comprehend.

DD

Okay, I'm sorta done with my cleaning duties. I hope!

While cleaning today, I realized that I hate (okay.. DISLIKE) domestic duties. I don't like sweeping the floor, putting things into order, wiping off dust, etc. I just don't like it. I found myself rushing through the chores I had today, wanting it to be over as soon as I could. I could say I did the chores carelessly. Just so I could finish it already. I really got bored, and wanted to get out of it.

But I really enjoyed scrubbing the tables and the chairs! I got all wet and dirty. Haha. It was fun for me. I also scrubbed the moss off the cement floor of our garage. Hmm. What does these say of me? Haha. :P

The winds are still strong. Though rains aren't that strong anymore. I hope the weather cooperates tomorrow. I wouldn't want my friends to have a hard time coming here. :P Yey! So excited for tomorrow. Videoke galore! And I'll be seeing friends I haven't seen in a long time (hello ate Sabsiiiii!).

Ayun. Sige, I have to take a bath now. I got so dirty cleaning the tables. :P








Wet and dirty!

PickED up

So the Air21 guy got my application for Visa this morning. Now, let's just pray about the next results. If granted the Visa, I'll be going to Canada and stay there for about five months. I'll be spending Christmas and New Year with Ate.

Funny, one of the lay caregivers from Magnificat Home texted me. She told me that my Lola Garet will be arriving on the 21st, and that my Lola would want to talk to me later, so I have to call. Haha, my Lola is really so adventurous. She never told us that she'll be coming to Manila! So that means I won't be going to Naga anytime soon. Boo. :P Hahaha. Oops, not the topic. Anyway. I think she just misses us already. Even if she's comfortable in Naga, and her contemporaries are with her in Magnificat Home, it's still different to have family with you. That's the reason why she still bugs us every so often to call her. :) Because she misses us. Family treats us differently. They pamper us and spoil us to our content. Haha, especially if we're kids or we're old. :P

So she'll be here again in Manila. I'd expect the weekly calls again from her, asking my dad to visit her, and to bring her to places. It's so sweet that my Dad gives in to her requests. He spoils her like she was his favorite Aunt. Hmm, maybe she is. XD


Okay, I've spent enough time here. I still have to clean up the house. Friends are coming over tomorrow to tambay, and Mom is concerned that our house is messy. Haha. Cute.








Getting better...