Isnt' it obvious?

Yes, I've gained a LOT of weight the past months. Oh come on, you don't have to say it to my face. It's really obvious. I feel it every morning when I try on my clothes--when I can't zip my pants. When I can't move in my tops. When I look in the mirror and it's a big bulge of what you call a stomach is what I see.

Oh yes, it's very obvious. I don't need at least three people tell me this week that I look fatter than before. Yeah, It's super obvious.

I don't need the reminder, thank you.

But oh well, thanks for the reminder, it really makes me want to LOOK better, and thus feel better about myself. Thanks for the reminder, it pushes me to do that running that I've planned a year ago. It pushes me to eat less, and move more. It pushes me to exercise more, to burn those excess fat.






Wow, talk about that. Where did that come from?

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

(Reinhold Niebuhr)








I went with Mica yesterday as her "moral support" for the Teen Treats of St. Mary's. She used this as the closing prayer. :)

Tonight

Something was missing. Many expected something else, but it wasn't achieved.

Oh well, have to move on. Felt like it's not my crowd anymore. Even the "awww" feeling wasn't there anymore. There's no more sense of ownership.

But the friendships remain. :)




Haha, I have to sleep now.

Friday the 13th

I don't really believe in "luck" and those superstitions like how today is "Friday the 13th", but then I would like to make use of that whole label.

Mga kamalasan today:
- couldn't wake up at 6:30am, I woke up at 10AM. Hello half day.
- My PC was taken over my stupid viruses. Now it has a life of its own. Scary. So now I'm using another PC. Buti nalang mag-isa lang ako sa office diba?
- I dragged myself to work today just because I have a meeting scheduled for 4:30. Now she can't make it at 4:30, so we'll just meet at 9PM later at my house. Haha.


It's so fun. Happy Friday the 13th!

Positivism

Funny. Just wanted to say that.

The past entries have been so negative. Yet, they're so me. People who "think" they know me would often say, "ikaw, nega?" Haha. Stereotypes.

Past weeks have been hard. Even till now. Struggle.

Retreats

I think I can do this.
I CAN do this.

I just have to stick to the plan. Stick to the points. Create structure, then follow it.



Now we're back to every two weeks, but it's alright. "Anything above 0 is a success" :) Just slowly, then it'll be once a month again.



8-day Silent Retreat on Holy Week. Maybe 30-day when I'm older. Looking forward to that.

Fairness

Eh paanon naman ako? 'Di naman pwedeng bigay nalang nang bigay diba? Paano naman ako? :(

Stat

There are tasks that they ask me to do, and I realize that I do not know how to accomplish it. Maybe I know how, but it's not really those that I could do in an instant. It's something that I would stare for hours, and then cram when the final hour has come. I torment myself, trying to figure out where the gap was. I wonder why others know how to understand/do that task, like it's something that they do everyday.

I felt so bobo during the meeting yesterday, because I didn't understand a word they were saying. And you know what's worse? I was taking the minutes. Kamusta? :-S Eek. That was so stupid. I dunno. Now I was asked to make some sort of presentation on what was tackled yesterday. Wahahahahaah! What? Pardon me?

Can't blame anyone. I'm the one who didn't study well, or who didn't pay attention much. EH.


Haha. Good morning. I wonder what to put in this presentation.




















Craaaaap.

Boys

Funny, the past days (I dunno if weeks) I've been having "talks" with St. Joseph for him to give me a BOY. Haha.

Ewan ko ba.

Bakit ba kasi ganito ako? 'Yung isa kong nagustuhan, namundok.
'Yung isa bading.
'Yung isa masyadong busy at nag-iisip kung mag-heheswita.



Hello?

More than a companion

During my SIGNS days, I learned about the concept of "Spiritual Companioning". Now I wish that I have one, someone to turn to during times of desolation, and most especially in times of consolation. Someone who I'd share the fruits of my prayer with, and someone who'd listen. Since it is a companionship, it's not just all about me. I'll also be there through her/his prayer life. We'd journey together, giving each other love and support.

Oh crap

Why do I suddenly feel scared? Why are there doubts that I would know how to handle these things? Why did things suddenly feel more complicated?

Haha, I hate it. It's this crappy feeling again. It's that little force inside me pulling me down, telling me that I CAN'T. That I can't do it. That I'm too stupid to do it. Sigh.



ANO BAAAAAAA?! WHYYYYYYYY? FUDGE THIS.











Hay. :(

San Ignacio de Legola

Haha, ang cute nito.