December

It's the first time I didn't make a wish list. Well, I actually did, but I never published it. It's just sitting on my desktop, and soon I'll just delete it. This year just feels different. Hmm. Paano ba i-explain?

I guess the first one is the Bel Field. Almost everybody I know anticipates the Christmas lights at Bel Field. I thought I did, too. But yesterday, when Tita A and I walked to Gesu, I just didn't feel the "magic" (eek, corny term) that the lights brought. Wala. Wala lang, the lights were just there. It was just a normal night in Ateneo. Nothing special. Nothing to get excited over. Nothing to feel all happy about. But I remember that once or twice before I felt that "special" feeling when I saw the lights. It brought a different kind of happiness, like maybe how a young child would feel when he sees a toy he really likes in a store. It's something that you want to keep, and to last forever with you. But now, it's gone. They were just plain trees with plain lights. It was such a dull feeling. I really could not understand why.

This year December just feels so dry. Let me clarify that I'm not unhappy/sad. It just feels dry--like it were a normal month with no special occasions/holidays happening.



Hmm. Bakit kaya? Ano kaya ang kailangan kong gawin?






Thinking.